Wit & Wisdom of Golf

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If you can only play a few holes, you'll be two under par when you have to leave

[Stan Nehilla]

99.99% of all matter is empty space, but that last .01% will
stop a golf ball dead.

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What happened to important people of 1923

Do you know who in 1923 was:

1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least they found the secret of making money.

Now more than 55 years later, do you know what has become of these men?

1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, died insane.
3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide.
The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship, Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. He was still playing golf at 90 and solvent.

Moral: Don't worry about business and concentrate on your golf!

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Golfer: "Are there golf courses in Heaven?"

Fortune Teller: "I have good news, and I have bad news..."

Golfer: "What's the good news?"

Fortune Teller: "The good news is that Heaven's golf courses are beautiful beyond anything you could imagine!"

Golfer: "How could there be any bad news with that?"

Fortune Teller: "You have a tee-time at 8:30 tomorrow morning."

[Stan Nehilla]

You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a
two-inch branch 90% of the time.

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Happily innocent of all golfing lore, Sam's wife watched with interest the efforts of her man in the bunker to play his ball. At last it rose amid a cloud of sand, hovered in the air and then dropped on the green and rolled into the hole.

"Oh my stars," Sam's wife exclaimed, "he'll have a tough time getting out of that one!"

[Stan Nehilla]

There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces
just the way you meant to play it.

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Golf Definitions: Equipment
According to the rules of golf, equipment is "anything that can be thrown, broken, kicked, twisted, torn, crushed, shredded or mangled; or propelled, driven or directed, either under its own power or by means of a transfer of momentum, into underbrush, trees or other overgrown terrain; or over the edge of a natural or artificially elevated area; or below the surface of any body of water, whether moving or impounded."

[Stan Nehilla]

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf
course is a straight line that passes directly through the
center of a very large tree.

[tincup]

If you have to keep the cart on the cart path, unless you take every single one of your clubs over to your ball, you won't have the right club