Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.
~ Bob Bruce

[Stan Nehilla]

What are the four worst words you could hear during a round of golf?

Answer: It's still your turn!

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.

[tincup]

If you ever par the first three holes, you’ll have a 20-minute wait on the fourth tee.

[Stan Nehilla]

The Scotsman's caddie

One day, a scotsman went playing golf. After standing a while on the green he asked the boy standing beside him: "You are my caddie for today?"

"Yes," answered the boy.

"You are good in finding lost balls?"

"Oh yes, I find every lost ball!"

"Okay, boy, then run and search for one, then we can start!"

[tincup]

The less intelligent the player, the more certain he is to offer insights into the mental side of the game.

[Stan Nehilla]

Arnold Palmer & Tiger Woods

Arnold Palmer and Tiger Woods are playing the 16th hole, when Tiger's tee shot lands behind a huge, 100 foot fir tree. Tiger looks at Arnie and says, "How would you play this one? Lay up and take the extra stroke?"

Arnold replies: "When I was your age, I'd just play right over this tree."

Tiger, not wanting to be shown up by ol' Arnold Palmer, proceeds to hit the ball high, but not high enough. It bounces off the tree and lands out of bounds. Tiger, really ticked at this point, asks Arnold how he EVER hit a ball over that tree.

Arnold replied: "Well, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall."

[Stan Nehilla]

Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed.

[tincup]

The golf swing is like sex: you can't be thinking of the mechanics of the act while you're doing it.
~ Dave Hill

[Stan Nehilla]

There are four forces affecting the motion of a golf ball:
1. Gravity, which causes the ball to drop suddenly into hazards
2. Electromagnetism, which makes the ball curve sharply towards whichever of the earth's poles is closest to the Out of Bounds stakes
3. The Weak Force, which makes the ball dribble to the ladies' tee
4. The Strong Force, which propels the ball directly towards a foursome of personal injury- lawyers in the adjacent fairway