Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

If you have a hole-in-one in a competition you are in the last group and the bar is packed when you come in.

[tincup]

Explorer: "There we were surrounded. Fierce savages verywhere you looked. They uttered awful cries and beat their clubs on the ground. . . "

Weary listener: "Golfers, probably."

[Stan Nehilla]

If you have difficulty meeting new people, try picking up someone else's golf ball.

[tincup]

I do remember a Buddy Rich story (who was both old and grouchy), though. It seems as if the short-tempered and impatient Rich, attempted golf with a few of his Hollywood friends, and made it about as far the 8th hole before firing his "final" shot into the pond. In typical Rich fashion, he picked up his clubs and threw them right in after the ball and stormed off over the hill to the parking lot.

At the turn, his playing partners spotted him marching back down over the hill to the pond, thinking he was coming back to give the round another try. To their surprise, Rich trudged into the pond, retrieved his golf bag, pulled his car keys out of the bag, and then threw the bag even further into the pond and stormed off to the parking lot again, finally leaving.

[Stan Nehilla]

Immediately you put on your waterproofs it stops raining.

[tincup]

When you're between clubs, it's always the other club, unless it's the other other club

[Stan Nehilla]

In a four-ball game, your partner is right on his game while you aren't or vice versa.

[tincup]

Rule exceptions for seniors

Temporary Insanity

If a player attempts to hit a drive an unprecedented distance through the use of an excessively long, fast, or forceful swing in which his torso is abnormally contorted, or his club shaft goes well past parallel in his backswing, or he audibly grunts or moans during the downswing, or either or both of his feet come out of his shoes at the conclusion of his follow-through, and the resulting shot is unsuccessful, he may tee up and hit another ball without assessing a stroke, but before doing so he must return his driver to his golf bag and replace it with a 3-wood or a long iron, and he must then swing that club in a restrained, prudent, and judicious fashion, with a compact arc, a measured pace, and a moderate body movement However, if he once again employs a wild and uncontrolled swing, he forfeits his right to replay under this exception, even if he should claim that this fresh instance of overswinging was caused by a reasonable desire on his part to make up for the fact that the second ball was being hit with a club of less inherent power than the driver, and hence to achieve his customary length off the tee, he had no choice but to strike it with a greater-than-normal velocity and ferocity.

[Stan Nehilla]

In a pro-am, you are the last to drive off after your professional and partners have all hit screamers.

[tincup]

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.

"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"