Wit & Wisdom of Golf

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The love of your life either hates golf or is a better player than you.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golfaholic

Your a golfaholic if...

You think that some day you'll shoot your age, when a more realistic goal would be to shoot your weight!

You know there's more to life than golf, but your'e not interested in finding out what it is!
You quit the game forever, twice a month!
You buy every new golf gizmo that comes out!
You think you're skillful and everybody else is lucky!
You miss the ball, but still think it was a great swing!
The new clubs you just bough cost more than your mortgage and car payment combined!
You can't break a 100 but still think you could give Tiger a few tips!

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There is no truth in the theory that if you know how to shank you will never do so.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Gun

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?", asked the first detective.
"He was shot with a golf gun," replied the other.

"A golf gun? What's a golf gun?"
"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan."

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While unloading your golf bag from the car, the golf balls fall out all over the parking lot and roll under the other cars.

[Stan Nehilla]

Fatherly Advice


A father spoke to his son, "It's time we had a little talk, my son. Soon, you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You'll be pre-occupied and won't be able to think of anything else ."

He added, "But don't worry, it's perfectly normal...it's called golf."

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Curly, downhill, left-to-right putts are usually followed by curly, uphill, right-to-left putts.

[Stan Nehilla]

Personal Ad ...


The forty-something business executive..and avid golfer, was browsing the personal ads on the internet when he came across an interesting ad from an attractive lady living in the same town he did.

The ad read as follows...
Slim, attractive, buxom blonde, 5'6" 125 lbs. successful in business, happy in life, no children (or desire to have them), enjoys traveling, pampering her man and the finer things in life. Seeks similar qualities in
a partner for long term relationship.

GOLFERS NEED NOT APPLY.

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Rule exceptions for seniors

Ball Striking Rake

If a player's ball should strike, be obstructed by, or come to rest against a rake, whether it lies within a bunker or outside it, he may proceed as follows:

1. If his ball audibly or visibly strikes or rebounds off a rake that is subsequently found to have been negligently left on ground outside the margins of a bunker, and the ball then comes to rest inside the bunker, it may be removed without penalty and dropped in the place where the player reasonably believes his ball would have come to rest had it not been unduly interfered with, but even if the original path of his ball was in a direct line with the pin, he may not drop it in the hole.

2. If his ball comes to rest inside a bunker but is lodged against or rebounded off a rake carelessly dropped in the sand at an angle even slightly perpendicular to the natural line of play of the hole, and the player states that in his judgement the ball had sufficient velocity or momentum to have rolled through and out of the bunker had it not been improperly obstructed, he may drop his ball in the place where he believes it would have come to rest, provided the bunker is not so deep or steep-sided as to make such a claim unworthy of serious consideration.

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Foursomes golf means always having to say you're sorry.