Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

An American tourist was playing golf in Scotland when he came to a hole with a fast flowing river running down the side of the fairway. A young boy was sitting at the bank of the river and as the tourist hooked his drive and hit the boy who fell into the river. By the time the worried golfer arrived at the river bank, the boy was sinking into the deep water for the third time and was looking poorly.

The tourist immediately jumped into the river and after a real struggle managed to bring the boy to dry land where he quickly revived him. He then brought the boy back to the clubhouse where he arranged for a taxi to take the boy home.

About an hour later a man arrived at the clubhouse and asked the Pro, "Could you tell me where the man is who saved my son?"

The Pro replied "He's over in the hotel - check with the receptionist."
The man then went to the hotel and asked the receptionist, "Could you tell me where the man is who saved my son?"

"Yes, I'll call his room and ask him to come down," was the reply.
A few minutes later the American tourist came down. The man asked him, "Are you the man who saved my son?"

"Yes, I sure am," was the reply.

"Well, would you have his cap?"

[Stan Nehilla]

Math

Golf is also a game of math.

This formula will help your game, D=nxP2.

This formula illustrates the odds of hitting a duffed shot increase by the square of the number of people watching

[tincup]

Rule exceptions for seniors

Negligent Putt

If a player makes a hasty, tentative, or ill-considered stroke at a putt of six feet or less, and it is obvious from the moment the ball leaves the face of his putter that it will miss the hole by a wide margin, he may replay the putt, without assessing a stroke, provided he rakes the ball back to its original position before it stops rolling and then, reassuming his stance, conveys by the gravity of his demeanour and the painstaking deliberation with which he addresses the ball that, in sharp contrast to his earlier perfunctory and insincere effort, this re-putt will be undertaken with the unparalleled care and concentration that befits a serious attempt to propel the golf ball into the absolute dead centre of the hole.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf is like any other sports competition. There's not a lot of point to it unless someone suffers. ...even, if it's you.

[tincup]

Jesus and Moses were playing golf. They came to a lengthy 200 yard par 3, with 190 of those yards over water.

Jesus had the honors, and Moses asked him what club he was going to use. Jesus said he was going to use a 5 iron. Moses said, "no way", that's too far for a five iron. Jesus said that he felt confident he could reach the green with a 5 iron, and because that's what Phil Mickelson would use, he would stick with the five iron.

Jesus hit his shot, and it flew straight and high, but only went about 170 yards, right into the water. Moses said, "no problem", and stepped up, raised his staff and parted the water. He then walked out across the lake bottom and picked up Jesus' ball and returned it to him, telling him to try again, but suggested he use a longer club this time.

Jesus, being persistent, took the five iron out of his bag again and started to tee up the ball. Moses told him, "you missed the first time, why not go with a longer club this time. Jesus, reminded Moses that because Phil Mickelson would use a five iron, he too was going to try the five again. He teed up the ball, hit it straight and high again, and it landed about 180 yards out, but right back into the water.

This time, Jesus said, "no problem" and started walking out across the lake to retrieve his ball. As he is walking across the lake, another foursome comes up behind the tee and one guy in the foursome says to Moses, "That guy is walking across the lake. Who does he think he is, Jesus?" Moses replies, "No, he IS Jesus --- he THINKS he's Phil Mickelson.

[Stan Nehilla]

Take It With You

One day a golfer brought his regular golfing buddies together, and gave them each $50,000 cash and instructed them that upon his death, they were to throw it into the coffin, because he wanted to take it with him.

As luck would have it, he died soon after. When the funeral was over, his buddies met.
The doctor in the group said "I have a confession to make. I put in an empty envelope and I used the money to buy equipment for the free clinic."
The priest said "Me too, only I used the money to help build the youth center."
Somewhat shocked, the last member of the group, a lawyer, said
"I can't believe you guys went back on your word."
They asked him if he actually put the $50,000 in the coffin.
He replied "I most certainly did....with my very own personal check."

[tincup]

To blow up on the back nine you don't need to have played a terrific front nine, but it certainly doesn't hurt

[Stan Nehilla]

Dentures

A couple of elderly gents were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning.
His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before.
"Is that so?" the first said. "Did he do a good job?"
"Well, I was playing yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot," he said.
"The ball most have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the groin....
and that was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt."

[tincup]

Curing the faults in your swing can never be affected in just one lesson from a professional.

[Stan Nehilla]

Mac is having serious trouble putting on the back nine, and complains: "I've got a case of the yips. I just can't putt anymore. I've lost my touch.
It must be my nerves or maybe it's old age"

Jimmy, sarcastically replies,"Or maybe it's the six-pack that you demolished on the front nine"