Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Birdie - A Mulligan, the best of one or more practice swings, and a 20-foot "gimme" putt. See EAGLE.

[tincup]

Judge: "Do you understand the nature of an oath?"
Boy: "Do I? I'm your caddie, remember!"

[tincup]

That can't be my ball, caddie. It looks far too old.", said the player looking at a ball deep in the trees

"It's a long time since we started, sir."

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Bisque - An informal handicapping system in which one player allows another to take a "free" stroke, called a "bisque," at whichever hole he or she chooses. Such a stroke taken without explicit permission from another player is a "tisquetisque."

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Bite - A ball is said to bite when it is hit with sufficient backspin to make it stop quickly—or even roll backward—on the green. Biting carries its own satisfaction, but remember, it only helps if it brings the ball closer to the hole.

[tincup]

If you address the ball for more than twenty seconds its not a waggle, it's a seizure.

[tincup]

There are three men who wanted to learn how to play golf, so they hired a golf instructor. The instructor asked the three men to hit the golf ball as far as they can. One man hit way to the right, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

Then the second man hit it way to the left, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

Then the third man hit the golf ball two feet ahead of him, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

The three puzzled men asked the instructor what "LOFT" meant.

The instructor simply said, "Lack of freaking talent!"

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Blade - To hit a ball off the edge of an iron, thereby creating a shot that takes off like a line drive in baseball. Most often the shot will end up beyond its intended target. This shot is also said to be hit thin, or to be skulled. Blade is also a thin putter (no more than a half-inch wide) with a straight face. Little Ben, the famous putter owned by Ben Crenshaw, is an example of a blade putter.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Blind Hole - A hole whose green is not visible when an approach shot is made, thereby requiring a player to rely on senses other than sight, such as the unmistakable sound of an unseen golfer shouting after being struck by a ball, the distinct smell of trouble, the metallic taste of fear and the sudden touch of flu that dictates an immediate return to the clubhouse by way of the deep woods.

[tincup]

"You fool! You almost hit my wife with that shot!"

"Sorry old chap!. Here, take a shot at mine!"