Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Back Nine - The final 27 holes of an 18-hole golf course.

[tincup]

"My wife says she's leaving me if I don't give up golf."

"What are you going to do?"

"Miss her like hell."

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Backhander - A putt struck with the back of the putter blade. Sometimes golfers will do this in a casual fashion when the ball is very close to the hole. When they miss a backhander—and it happens often—amateurs often smile and record their score as though they had made the putt. This is known as cheating.

[tincup]

Bill, Ralph, and Fred gathered for a round of golf on Mother's Day. The men were quite surprised at being "let go" for the day, and each wanted to know how the other got away from their wife.

Fred said, "I purchased a dozen red roses for my wife, and she was so happy that she let me go."

Ralph said, "I purchased a diamond ring for my wife, and she was so thrilled with me that she let me go."

Bill said, "I woke up this morning, rolled over, looked at my wife, and said to her: `Golf course or sex?,' and she said: 'I'll put your clubs in the car'."

[tincup]

When you're between clubs, it's always the other club, unless it's the other other club.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Backswing - The part of the swing that takes place after the ball has been improperly addressed but before it has been sent to the wrong destination. See FOLLOW-THROUGH.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Bag rat - Caddie.

[tincup]

A marine drill sergeant fancied a round of golf one day, and headed out to his favourite links. Waiting on the first tee, he noticed an air force commander, also waiting on the first tee and also alone. Both being in the armed forces, they decided to play together.

It wasn't long before they were talking about work. They shared boot camp stories, war memories, and jokes about new recruits. It went this way until about the third hole, when the marine sergeant was finishing a story about a runaway tank and said, "And you know that the marines are the bravest men in the armed forces."
The air force commander dropped his putter, "Just what do you mean by that?" he challenged. "Well," the sergeant went on, "who do you send to take new territory? Who do you send in when you're out numbered? Who gets the call for the most covert operations?"

The air force commander putted out, and angrily he said, "Well, while you are hiding in the bushes, who is a clear target in the sky? Who do you call for support when you're losing? And who is always sent in during a losing battle? Sir, the men of the air force are the bravest men." This argument lasted for the rest of the round. Both men swearing their men were the bravest, and each had stories to tell to back up their claims.

After finishing, they headed to the club house for a beer, still debating the matter. Finally, the marine sergeant stood and said, "I've got to head back to camp. Play again next week?"

To this, the air force commander said, "Well, I must apologise, it seems I was mistaken. Anyone who played like you did today, and is willing to come back to the same golf course is a much braver man than myself!"

[Stan Nehilla]

Bail out - What many golfers do to avoid trouble on the course. That is, they hit a shot in the direction opposite the trouble. If the trouble is on the right side, they bail out left. If the trouble is on the left side, they bail out right. This term can also be used to describe how a golfer (after calling in sick to work) exits his cart after seeing his boss approaching.

[tincup]

Saturday night and the clubhouse was crowded and noisy. The two players were drinking at the bar and discussing their game.

"Excuse me," the barman interrupted, "you're new members, aren't you?"

"Yes," replied one player, "but in all this crowd, how did you know?"

"You put your drinks down."