Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Apron - Fringe of low grass, or "frog hair," surrounding the green from which a tricky, easily flubbed shot that is half pitch and half putt is made. It is called a "chupp," a "putch" or, simply, "chin!"

[tincup]

MacDonald was aged 80 when, for the first time in his life, he walked into his golf club bar and ordered drinks for everyone

"What's the occasion, mon?" enquired the stunned bartender. "Hole in one?"

"No," the old highlander replied, "I've just married a bonnie lass!"

It was seven months later when MacDonald again strode into the bar and again ordered drinks all round.

"And what are we celebrating this time?" asked the amazed bartender.

"Tis the wife, lad, she's just presented me with a baby boy."

"But you've only been married seven months!"

"Tis true, 'tis true! Imagine it - two under par and me with a whippy shaft!"

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Army golf - Phrase used to describe the inconsistent, wayward shots of amateur golfers, that is, "left-right, left-right" (like the drill sergeant's call during an army march).

[tincup]

Rule exceptions for seniors

Expendable Ball

On the teeing ground of any hole with a clearly defined dogleg layout, a player who wishes to attempt to hit a shot that takes a "shortcut" across unplayable ground and into the fairway may select and put into play a lower-priced or less desirable ball and declare that ball to be "expendable." If his drive then safely clears the hazards or obstacles occupying the intervening area of the bend in the hole, he may lift and replace it with a better ball and continue play. If, however, his shot fails to carry through to playable terrain, he may proceed at once to play a second ball without assessing a stroke or incurring any penalty, but he may not spend any time whatsoever searching for his first ball, and if he makes another unsuccessful attempt to "go for it" with his second tee shot, he must play that ball subject to whatever rules would normally apply and shall, hi addition, be assessed the stroke and all penalties waived on his original tee shot.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Arnie's Army - Name given to the legions of loyal fans who flock to tournaments to follow Arnold Palmer, golf's "king." Arnie has always been a fan favorite, and dozens of times his fans have kicked, blocked, or thrown a wayward Palmer shot back onto the fairway or green to help their hero.

[tincup]

The sky above was blue and cloudless. Only a light breeze ruffled the treetops outside the window. If the judge had been a lawmaker instead of a law interpreter he knew he would be making laws forbidding court sessions on such glorious days.

"Well," he mused, dragging his eyes back to the court, "I guess there's no way out. I might just as well tune back in on the case."

"And in addition to that, Your Honour," the barrister for the defence was droning, "my client claims she was beaten into insensibility by a golf club in the hand of her husband."

"How many strokes?" murmured the judge absently.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Away - The player whose ball lies farthest from the hole is "away" and is required by the rules of golf to make the first shot. If, after the stroke is taken, the ball still lies farthest from the hole, the rules permit the player to kick the first bag and throw the first club.

[tincup]

If you find it necessary to wrap your club around a tree after a failed shot, borrow one from your playing partner.

[tincup]

Rule exceptions for seniors

Nonchalant Putts

A player confronted with an unconceded putt of three feet or less may elect to approach the ball in a deliberately casual and unstudied manner and hit it toward the hole with a one-handed putting stroke using either of two approved perfunctory putting methods.

1. He may knock the ball toward the hole with a one-handed putting stroke using either the front or back of the putter. If the ball fails to enter the hole but the player is able to sink the putt with no more than two additional rapid "taps" made while the ball is still in motion, the putt is deemed to have been sunk with a single continuous multipart stroke executed in a staccato fashion rather than multiple separate attempts.

2. He may adopt a putting posture in which he crouches over the hole with his hand behind the cup and drags the ball back toward it with a one-handed pulling stroke. Once the ball touches his palm, it is deemed to have been holed out, even if the ball never actually enters the cup and the player is obliged to move his hand a short distance away from the hole in the direction of the oncoming ball to ensure solid contact

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Back Door - The side of the cup opposite the position of a player's ball on the green. Sometimes a putt will curve around the cup and enter by the "back door." Of course, on other occasions, it may choose to wait politely on the "back steps," sit down for a smoke on the "back porch" or go for a nice long walk in the "back yard.". Perhaps the most famous backdoor putt is the one sunk by Spain's Seve Ballesteros on the seventy-second hole of the 1984 British Open championship at St. Andrews to beat Tom Watson.