Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

All Square - A term used in match play to indicate that both teams or individuals have cheated on an equal number of holes. See DORMIE.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Amateur Golfer - One who plays golf for pleasure.

[tincup]

Rule exceptions for seniors

Adjustment of Lie Prior to Bold Play

If a player declares his intention to hit his ball between, through, around, or over any obstructing objects, he is entitled, by reason of his dauntless and venturesome play, to improve his lie, without penalty, by rolling or tapping his ball to a perfect lie within two club lengths of his original ball position, but once having done so, he is obligated to attempt the shot he has designated, and he may not then make a safe play from his newly improved lie.

[tincup]

Shots that finish close to the pin are never as close when you get there.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Amateur side - Derisive term for the low side of the hole when putting. Amateur golfers often miss their putts short, or come out on the low side of the hole, meaning the ball hasn't been struck boldy enough to have a chance of falling in. Although a missed putt counts one stroke no matter where it stops, balls that run by the hole are apparently more "professional."

[tincup]

The only time you will hit a perfectly straight drive is when you line up to allow for your wicked slice.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Analyst - Psychiatric specialist who treats individuals suffering from the delusion that playing golf is a form of pleasure.

[tincup]

Eric, the club's worst golfer, was addressing his ball. Feet apart, just so, eye on the ball, just so, a few practice wiffles with the driver, just so, then swing. He missed. The procedure was repeated and then repeated again. On the fourth swing however he did manage to connect with his ball and drove it five yards down the fairway. Looking up in exasperation he saw a stranger who had stopped to watch him. "Look here!" Eric shouted angrily. "Only golfers are allowed on this course!" The stranger nodded, "I know it, mister," he replied. "But I won't say anything if you won't either!"

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Approach - Shot A shot which, if it had not caught the lip of the bunker and dropped back into the sand, would have rolled across the green and gone into the water. See CHIP SHOT and PITCH.