Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Conversely, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and a tax agent -- or some similar combination.

[tincup]

If you're the only one who improves your lie, it's cheating; if you all improve your lies, it's a reasonable allowance for unfair playing conditions

[Stan Nehilla]

LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

[tincup]

Never play anyone for money who carries a 1-iron, has a tattoo, doesn't wear a glove, and can bounce a ball off the face of a sand wedge more than ten times in a row

[Stan Nehilla]

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water.

[tincup]

Anything that can go wrong will wait to go wrong until after you leave the practice tee.

[tincup]

If you address the ball for more than twenty seconds its not a waggle, it's a seizure.

[Stan Nehilla]

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

[tincup]

Tennis would be as difficult as golf if you only got one serve, six love was par, you had to wait ten minutes between points, you often lost a dozen balls in a single set and every now and then you needed to hit a backhand out of a tree.

[Stan Nehilla]

LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."