Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

Damn it, have you no etiquette? Please quit breathing when I swing. (Tiger Woods)

[tincup]

Church was cancelled because of all the snow, so I'm going golfing.

[Stan Nehilla]

When you are looking for your ball, it is found
(a) when you have trudged back and put another ball in play,
(b) when the five minutes search time has elapsed,
(c) when you tread on it and incur a penalty.

[tincup]

Rule exceptions for seniors

Punitive Pin Placement

On any sloping or undulating green where the cup has been deliberately located in relation to the hazards surrounding the green so as to force a prudent player to make an approach shot that leaves him with an excessively difficult putt whose misplay is likely to result in a substantial number of additional putts, that player may, without penalty, take one practice putt from the general position of his ball, but not along the exact line of his putt However, if he elects to do so he thereby forfeits his right under Exception 57 to have his fourth putt on that green automatically conceded to him.

[Stan Nehilla]

When you play a shot from a bunker and the ball hits the bank, there is a split second when you have no idea as to the ball's whereabouts before it plummets down on your foot.

[Stan Nehilla]

Your best drive of the day finishes in a divot hole.

[tincup]

Always replace divots in the fairway and rake the footprints in the sand trap, even if you have to move your ball to do so.

[tincup]

I gather you earn more than the President the nosey member asked his club's pro.

"Why not ?", came the reply, "I'm a better player than he is !"

[Stan Nehilla]

While unloading your golf bag from the car, the golf balls fall out all over the tarmac car park and roll under the other cars.

[Stan Nehilla]

Your controlled draw rapidly develops into a chronic hook: similarly, your controlled fade is, in reality, a vicious slice.