Wit & Wisdom of Golf

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Rule exceptions for seniors

Deniable Ball

If, owing to the unreasonable proximity of condominiums or other occupied dwellings along the boundaries of a course, a player shall, upon making a wayward tee shot, hear a splintering, cracking, or shattering sound, or some similarly alarming or worrisome noise, he may at once declare his ball to be "inadvisable to play" and immediately tee up and put into play in its place an "expedient ball" without assessing a stroke or incurring a penalty. However, during the remainder of his play on that hole, the player must behave as if his earlier misdirected shot never took place, and if he sees the affected homeowner or is confronted by him and betrays any awareness whatsoever that the mishap occurred, either by a verbal expression of apology or regret or a physical gesture indicating frustration, embarrassment, or discomfiture, then the stroke for his original errant drive shall be counted and all applicable penalties shall be assessed.

[Stan Nehilla]

The reserve glove you have kept for wet weather has shrunk.

[Stan Nehilla]

From the classified ad section of the Midland (Texas) Reporter-Telegram:

LOST: GOLFING HUSBAND AND DOG - last seen at Ratliff Ranch Golf Links. Reward for dog.

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Keeping your head down means you'll be looking at a very large divot.

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If you are playing well in a competition, your partner will tell you that if you keep it up you will win. This remark ensures that you finish with a string of double-bogeys.

[Stan Nehilla]

Whatever the rule for a particular situation, you've probably broken it.

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Rule exceptions for seniors

Protection Against Double Penalty

If a brand-new, high-quality ball just removed from a sleeve, box, or carton is struck by a player from the teeing ground of any hole directly into water, deep woods, impassable terrain, or ground out-of-bounds under circumstances that appear to foreclose the possibility of its recovery, the loss of that ball shall be deemed good and sufficient punishment for any infraction of the rules, and the player may hit a second ball without assessing a stroke or incurring any further penalty.

[Stan Nehilla]

When playing to a temporary green, your ball finishes stone dead to the hole cut in the proper green.

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Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.

[Stan Nehilla]

When there is one minute left to get to the first tee, a shoelace breaks.