Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

Spike marks always deflect your ball away from the hole.

[tincup]

An elderly lady from a remote interior village went to one of the most fashionable suburbs to visit her niece and husband. Nearby was a very well known golf course.

On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went for a stroll. Upon her return, the young niece asked, "Well, Auntie, did you enjoy yourself?"

"Oh, yes, indeed," said Auntie, beaming. "Before I had walked very far, I came to some beautiful rolling fields. There seemed to be a number of people about, mostly men. Some of them kept shouting at me in a very eccentric manner, but I took no notice. There were four men who followed me for some time, uttering curious excited barking sounds. Naturally, I ignored them, too. Oh, by the way," she added, as she held out her hands, "I found a number of these curious little round white balls, so I picked them all up and brought them home hoping you could explain what they're all about."

[Stan Nehilla]

Teeing up on the side nearest the out-of-bounds means your ball will finish in the cabbage on the other side.

[Stan Nehilla]

The distant puff of sand you see means that your ball has not carried the bunker and what's more, it is plugged under the lip.

[tincup]

Definitions:

Equipment

According to the rules of golf, equipment is "anything that can be thrown, broken, kicked, twisted, torn, crushed, shredded or mangled; or propelled, driven or directed, either under its own power or by means of a transfer of momentum, into underbrush, trees or other overgrown terrain; or over the edge of a natural or artificially elevated area; or below the surface of any body of water, whether moving or impounded."

[tincup]

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am over 70).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'

'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'

'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why do you even give a .......?'

[Stan Nehilla]

The fact that trees are ninety per cent air does not mean your ball avoid the remaining ten per cent of timber.

[Stan Nehilla]

The first tee shot following a lesson travels 20 yards along the ground.

[tincup]

Your first hole-in-one is always achieved when playing alone.

[Stan Nehilla]

The first time you enter the club's knockout competition you are drawn against the club champion in the first round.