Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

[Stan Nehilla]

One day, a scotsman went playing golf.

After standing a while on the green he asked the boy standing beside him: "You are my caddie for today?"

"Yes," answered the boy.

"You are good in finding lost balls?"

"Oh yes, I find every lost ball!"

"Okay, boy, then run and search for one, then we can start!"

[tincup]

Rule exceptions for seniors

Stolen Ball

If a player hits his ball into the fairway of an adjacent hole and is then unable to find it, but during his search he encounters other golfers playing that same hole in close proximity to the place where he believes his own ball came to rest, he may assume that one of them absconded with it, and he may drop another ball, without penalty, even if he receives explicit assurances from one or more members of the suspect playing group that they did not in fact pick up his ball, provided he can later cite some evidence, no matter how flimsy, of incriminating behaviour on their part, such as their failure to make eye contact, the preoccupied or reticent manner in which they responded to inquiries, or their excessive eagerness to proceed with their play, on which to base a reasonable presumption of their guilt

[Stan Nehilla]

Lee Trevino recalling his boyhood:
"My family was so poor they couldn't afford to have kids.
So the lady next door had me"

[tincup]

The fewer balls you have, the more balls you lose; the more balls you have, the more balls you lose

[tincup]

Stan and Dar were waiting to tee off. Stan told Dar, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really?' answered Dar, 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.' Stan replied

[Stan Nehilla]

The Boss

My boss phoned me today, he said, "Is everything okay at the office?"

I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day;
I haven't stopped."

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

I said, "Of course, what is it?"
"Speed it up a little, I'm in the foursome behind you!"

[tincup]

The only time your ball ever bites is when it lands 30 feet short.

[Stan Nehilla]

125,000 golf balls a year are hit into the water at the famous 17th hole of the Stadium Course at Sawgrass.

[tincup]

The key to target golf is choosing a really, really big target