Wit & Wisdom of Golf

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The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.

[Stan Nehilla]

You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

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Error must go somewhere (e.g., If your driver is hot, your putter will be ice-cold; if you can hit your irons, you will top your woods; if you are keeping your elbow tucked in, your head will come up.)

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Rule exceptions for seniors

Recent Instruction

If a player who has taken a formal lesson from a licensed golf teacher or club professional on the same day that he commences a stipulated round of golf approaches his ball in an oddly studied manner prior to hitting it, or addresses it with exaggerated concentration, or aligns himself along his target line with elaborate care, or waggles his club an excessive number of times, or interrupts his practice swing to examine the position of his elbows, arms, or upper body, or obsessively and repeatedly shifts the placement of his hands or feet, or noticeably alters the speed, plane, or length of his swing, or makes any other visible modifications in his characteristic style of play, and he then hits an unsatisfactory shot, he may replay it without assessing a stroke, provided that he clearly attributes the mis-hit to ineffective and inappropriate instruction and immediately abandons all of his recent innovations and returns to his traditional game.

[Stan Nehilla]

Joe, a notoriously bad golfer, hits his ball off the first tee and watches as it slices to the right and disappears through an open window. Figuring that's the end of it, he gets another ball out of his bag and plays on. On the eighth hole, a police officer walks up to Joe on the course and says, "Did you hit a golf ball through a window back there?"

Joe says, "Yes I did."

"Well," says the police officer, "it knocked a lamp over, scaring the dog, which raced out of the house onto the highway. A driver rammed into a brick wall to avoid the dog, sending 3 people to hospital. And it's all because you sliced the ball."

"Oh my goodness," says Joe, "is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is," the cop says... "Try keeping your head down and close up your stance a bit."

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When someone asks what club you hit, always subtract one or add two

[Stan Nehilla]

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

[Stan Nehilla]

1923

In 1923, do you know who was:

* President of the largest steel company?
* President of the largest gas company?
* The greatest wheat speculator?
* President of the Bank of International Settlement?
* The Great Bear of Wall Street?
* President of the New York Stock Exchange?

These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least, they found the secret of making money. Now almost 80 years later, do you know what became of these men?

* Charles Schwab, president of the largest steel company, died a pauper.
* Edward Hopson, president of the largest gas company, went insane.
* Arthur Cooger,the greatest wheat speculator, died abroad, penniless.
* Cosabee Livermore, president of the BIS, shot himself
* The Great Bear of Wall Street, committed suicide
* Richard Whitney, NYSE president released from prison to die at home

In that same year, 1923, Gene Sarazen won most of the important golf championships, including both the US Open and PGA Championship. He played golf until he was 92 and died in 1999 at the age of 95... and was financially solvent at his death.

Conclusion: Stop worrying about business and start playing more golf!

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Never curse a god-awful shot until it has had a chance to get lucky

[Stan Nehilla]

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

~ Jeff Foxworthy