Wit & Wisdom of Golf

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Rule exceptions for seniors

Suicidal Shot

If a ball comes to rest in a playable but Inherently perilous lie, such as on or among roots and rocks, on hardpan, in poison ivy or oak, up against the lip of a bunker, in uncommonly thick, wet, or tangled grass, on an unusually steep slope, or in a particularly deep divot hole, a player who sincerely believes that an attempt to play it as it lies could result in substantial physical harm may take advantage of his right to a therapeutic drop and move the ball without penalty to the nearest safely playable lie. However, before doing so, he must, in a clear and convincing fashion, and using appropriate medical terminology whenever possible, specify the particular portions of his anatomy that he feels would be subject to damage, and the nature and severity of the anticipated injury.

Note: This requirement is waived if, prior to the commencement of play on the first tee, the player in question has had the foresight to notify his playing partners that he is currently suffering from one or more pre-existing physical impairments that would be seriously exacerbated by a misguided attempt to play a ball from a potentially life-threatening lie.

[Stan Nehilla]

Immediately you put on your waterproofs it stops raining.

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Golf is the only game I know of that actually becomes harder the longer you play it.
~ Bobby Jones

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On courses where the yardages are marked on sprinkler heads:
1. There will be no sprinkler head within 40 yards of your ball.
2. The nearest sprinkler head will be blank.
3. While being examined, the sprinkler head will turn on.

[Stan Nehilla]

Keeping your head down means you'll be looking at a very large divot.

[Stan Nehilla]

The most important inches in golf are not those between the ears: they are the ones between your ball and the hole on the fourth putt.

[Stan Nehilla]

The difference between golf and tennis is that tennis is murder - you just want to kill the other player. Golf is suicide - you just want to kill yourself..."

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Rule exceptions for seniors

Informal Water

If, due to the seasonal drying of a brook, creek, or rivulet, or the diversion of a stream, or the evaporation of a pond during a prolonged period of drought, or the emptying of an artificial lagoon for regular cleaning, or an outflow from a marsh due to tidal action, or a scheduled release from an impoundment, or the draining of a reservoir, or a permanent and persistent state of desiccation in improperly designed or designated terrain, a water hazard fails at any time to contain a sufficient volume of actual, formal water physically standing or moving within its boundaries to cover at least one half of its total staked area, it ceases to be a valid water hazard and its status is automatically downgraded to "water nuisance." A player whose ball has come to rest on ground inside the margins of any such water nuisance may, without penalty, lift and clean his ball for purposes of identification, move loose impediments from it, and ground his club when striking it, or, if it lies in any remaining incidental water in the nuisance, he may remove his ball from that water and drop it in the nearest playable lie on dry and level ground.

[Stan Nehilla]

Delicate chip shots over bunkers always catch the top of the bank and fall back.

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Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
William Wordsworth