Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bagpipes and called it music.

[tincup]

If you are giving strokes in a match it's always too many: if you are receiving them it's never enough.

[Stan Nehilla]

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
– Lee Trevino

[tincup]

Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

[Stan Nehilla]

If golf is good exercise, why isn't mowing the lawn?

[tincup]

There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.
~ Andrew Perry

[Stan Nehilla]

The only sure way to find a drive sliced deep into the woods is to hit a provisional ball 280 yards down the middle.

[tincup]

"That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn't find it if it was wrapped in bacon."
David Feherty

[tincup]

For most of the round the golfer had argued with his caddy about club selection, but the caddy always prevailed.

Finally on the 17th hole, a 185-yard par three into the wind, the caddy handed the golfer a 4-wood and the golfer reacted.
"I think it's a 3-iron," said the golfer.
"No, sir it's a 4-wood," said the caddy.
"Nope, it's definitely a 3-iron."

So the golfer set up, took the 3-iron back slowly, and struck the ball perfectly. It tore through the wind, hit softly on the front of the green, and rolled up two feet short of the pin.

"See," said the caddy. "I told you it wasn't enough club."

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf is also a game of math and some people who had problems with this subject in school may suffer. Remembering this formula can help one shoot a better game. D=nxP2. This formula illustrates the odds of hitting a duffed shot increase by the square of the number of people watching.
There are also two rules that always apply when playing golf. Whenever you play in a mixed foursome, there will always be one hole where you have to hit your second shot before the ladies tee off. Also, you haven't really played golf until you've had to decide which opening in the trees gives you the best chance of getting back to the fairway.