Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

Real golfers don’t cry when they line up their fourth putt.

[tincup]

Hey, George, did you hear the awful news about John?" The two golfers were talking over a drink in the club bar.

"No what happened to him.'"

"Well he had a great round on Wednesday - under seventy I heard - anyway he finished early and drove home, and found his wife in bed with another man! No questions asked... he just shot 'em both! Isn't it terrible?"

"Could have been worse," George commented.

"How?"

"If he'd finished early on Tuesday, he would have shot me!"

[Stan Nehilla]

A vicar was a keen golfer and couldn't help sneaking off to play a round one Sunday. An angel was watching him and told God, "Look at that preacher down there, abondoning his duties to play golf on a Sunday. He should be punished." God agreed and promised to act. A few minutes later the vicar hit a superb hole-in-one on a 350 yard hole. The angel was annoyed and said to God, "I thought you were going to punish him. Instead he's just hit a perfect hole-in-one. God smiled and answered, "Think about it - who can he tell?"

[tincup]

Golf is a thinking man's game. You can have all the shots in the bag, but if you don't know what to do with them, you've got troubles.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

[Stan Nehilla]

NINE THINGS HEARD ON THE GOLF COURSE THAT SOUND DIRTY!

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, bother, my shaft's all bent.
3. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. Just turn your head and drop it.
8. Hold on, I've got to wash my balls.
9. Damn, I missed the hole again

[tincup]

No successive swings are ever the same except when you hit consecutive shots out of bounds.

[Stan Nehilla]

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson

[tincup]

Mulholland believed himself a superior caddie. He certainly had a superior attitude towards the man whose clubs he carried. Why only last month he had caddied for Lee Trevino, and now each time his client asked for a 5-wood, the boy would sneer,

"Lee Trevino used a 4-iron from here." And so it continued all the way around. The caddie recommended the clubs Trevino would have used and the golfer's game went rapidly from bad to worse.

Finally, at the eighteenth, there was a huge lake to cross.

"OK, know-all," said the golfer, "what would Trevino suggest here?"

"I think if Lee had come this far with you, he'd say, `Use an old ball."'

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
~ Jim Bishop

[tincup]

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
Sam Snead