Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

Man: "My doctor has told me I can't play golf."
Friend: "So he's played with you too has he?"

[tincup]

After church one Sunday, one of the congregants walked up to the priest and said, "Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sunday?

"My son," said the priest, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, "I've seen you play golf. It's a sin any day."

[tincup]

Your first hole-in-one is always achieved when playing alone.

[Stan Nehilla]

"The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs."
Henny Youngman

[Stan Nehilla]

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

[tincup]

Golf Defintions: Elephant's ass
A poorly struck shot that is "high and stinky." Usually applied to a popped-up drive that is higher than it is long. An elephant's ass might also prompt a comment such as, "Except for distance and direction, that was a good shot."

[Stan Nehilla]

The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
~ Mickey Mantle

[tincup]

A foursome of ladies came back after a round of golf. At the 19th hole in the Clubhouse, the Pro asked them "How did your game go?"

The first said she had a good round with 25 riders. The second said she did OK with 16 riders. The third said not too bad since I had 10 riders. The fourth was disappointed and said that she played badly with only two riders.

The Pro was confounded by this term "rider" but not wanting to show his ignorance just smiled and wish them better golf the next time. He then approached Jerry the bartender and asked "Jerry, can you tell me what does this term 'riders' mean?" Jerry smiled and explained that a "rider" is when you have hit a shot long enough to take a ride on a golf cart.

[Stan Nehilla]

There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
~ Ben Hogan

[tincup]

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Will Rogers