Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.
-Mickey Mantle

[tincup]

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf is a game, invented by God to punish guys who retire early.

[tincup]

Golf Definitions: Obstructions
Golfers may move their balls away from or remove any artificial obstacles not part of the course such as torn and crushed hats and other discarded articles of clothing; chewed scorecards; ripped instruction books; halved golf balls; discarded golf clubs; demolished handcarts; and over turned and burning electric carts.

[Stan Nehilla]

Last week I missed a spectacular hole-in-one by only six strokes.

[tincup]

A ball will always come to rest halfway down a slope unless there is sand or water at the bottom

[Stan Nehilla]

Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed.

[tincup]

Fred was playing off the sixth tee at the Royal Quebec Club. The fairway of the sixth needed some skill because it ran alongside the road. But Fred sliced the ball badly and it disappeared over the hedge bordering the road.

So he put another ball down and took the penalty. He was having a beer after the game when the pro joined him in the bar. "Excuse me Fred, but was it you who sliced this ball into the road at the sixth this morning?"

"Yes, but I took the penalty." "That's as may be. But you might be interested to know that your ball hit and killed a small boy on a tricycle; the tricycle fell in the path of a Mountie on a motorcycle. He skidded and was thrown through the window of a car, killing the nun at the wheel. The car then swerved into a cement mixer which wasn't too damaged but had to veer slightly and in doing so ran into the local school bus with such an impact that it sent it flying through the window of the St Lawrence shopping centre. At last count from the hospital there are thirteen people dead and seventy-nine people seriously injured."

The golfer turned a deathly shade of white and said, "What can I do?"

"Well, you could try moving your left hand a little bit further down the shaft," the pro advised.

[Stan Nehilla]

Sunday is the day all of us bow our heads. Some are praying and some are putting.

[tincup]

If it really made sense to “Let the club do the work”, you would just say “Driver, wedge to the green, one-putt” and walk to the next tee.