Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his business. If he's worse, he's neglecting his golf.
~ St Andrews Rotary Club Member

[Stan Nehilla]

If your opponent hasn’t played the course before, don’t be a
spoilsport and ruin all the surprises.

[stillgolfing]

If your opponent hasn’t played the course before, don’t be a
spoilsport and ruin all the surprises.

I like this because it hits close to home. On the course I'm a member at there is a creek that cuts across a number of holes and there are also a number of small ponds throughout the course. There are 2 par 3's, #8 and #13, where the creek is visable but the ponds fronting those greens are not. When we get to #8, (160 yds) if I'm playing with a stranger who doesn't know the course and I like him I say " You can't see it, but about 10 yds beyond the creek is a long narrow pond that fronts the green. Also, anything short of the pin will roll back into the pond and anything just short of that mounded back bunker will roll back down towards the pin; so I suggest you take one club more than you think you need." If I'm playing with a stranger who I don't like, then I say " You need to know it's 120 yds to clear the creek"
Cheers, Dave

[Stan Nehilla]

Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3.
After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin.
A fan in the crowd said "Mr. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?"
Mr. Palmer replied, "Do you own a 3 iron?"
The fan said, "Yes, sir I do."
"How far do you hit it?" said Palmer. About 160 yards was his reply.
Palmer calmly said, "What the heck do you want it to back up for?"

[tincup]

Player: Well Caddy, How do you like my game?
Caddy: Very good, Sir! But personally I prefer Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

For most golfers, the only difference between a one-dollar
ball and a three-dollar ball is two dollars.

[tincup]

The only time you can put the ball exactly where you want it is when you stick it in the ballwasher

[Stan Nehilla]

Hazards attract; fairways repel.

[tincup]

There are four forces affecting the motion of a golf ball:
1. Gravity, which causes the ball to drop suddenly into hazards
2. Electromagnetism, which makes the ball curve sharply towards whichever of the earth's poles is closest to the Out of Bounds stakes
3. The Weak Force, which makes the ball dribble to the ladies' tee
4. The Strong Force, which propels the ball directly towards a foursome of personal injury- lawyers in the adjacent fairway

[Stan Nehilla]

How many strokes d'ye have, laddie?" the Scot asked his guest after the first hole.

"Seven."

"I took six. Ma hole"

They played the second hole and once again he asked: "How many strokes?"

"Oh no sir!" said the guest. "It's my turn to ask."