Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
Gerald R. Ford

[Stan Nehilla]

I was on the dance floor, but I couldn't hear the band.
Chi Chi Rodriguez, on a fifty foot putt

[tincup]

If there's a golf course in heaven, I hope it's like Augusta National. I just don't want an early tee time.
Gary Player

[bryce]

I'm going to quote my friend Mike. We were at Granada Farms GC close to where we work, and the greens were a little on the slow side that day. We were on the 18th green....the LAST green....we had putted on 17 other greens, and he left a putt 2 inches short, right in line with the middle of the cup. He said, "Dammit! If these greens would have been faster, that would have went in!" Not if he would have hit it harder, but if the greens were faster! I laughed my butt off for 5 minutes straight!

[Stan Nehilla]

There's nothing like golf to build a man up physically and mentally so that he can play more golf.
Anon

[tincup]

Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have.
Harvey Penick

[tincup]

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
George Deukmejian

[Stan Nehilla]

Hook: the addition of fifty percent of all golfers.
Slice: the weakness of the other half.
Jim Bishop

[Stan Nehilla]

I still swing the way I used to, but when I look up, the ball is going in a different direction.
Lee Trevino

[tincup]

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Jim Bishop