Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

[Stan Nehilla]

Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.
The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"
The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today."
The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five"
The third old guy said, "I had 7 riders, the same as last time."
The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today."
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it."

[Stan Nehilla]

Top Ten Signs Your Divot is Too Big

That light shooting out of the hole you made is from a miner’s helmet below.
Put it next to Charlton Heston’s toupee and you can’t tell the difference
It has more square footage than the average front yard in Hong Kong.
The Bureau of Land Management issues you a citation for environmental brutality.
A nearsighted, horny fox mounts it.
You stamp WELCOME on it and put it on your front doorstep.
There are enough worms in it to start your own bait shop.
It contains the entire hip bone of a fossilized brontosaurus.
You need a forklift to pick it up and a carpet layer to put it back.
Smack in the middle is the bloody severed head of a gopher.

[tincup]

One Sunday a usually happy weekend golfer came home from the game very late, and much the worse for wear. 'Dear' wife greeted him at the door and demanded "Where the hell have you been and what have you been doing?" The husband wobbled around of slurred "Had a bad game, sort of lost everything...you had better pack some bags, I even lost you".

The wife screamed "How could you do that?", the man replied "It wasn't easy, I had to miss 3 one foot putts in the last 4 holes".

[SteveHorn]

Stan! I scored a 15. We had milk delivery but it wasn't in the glass bottles. It was a big dispenser with a spout on the bottom.

[tincup]

We had milk delivery but it wasn't in the glass bottles. It was a big dispenser with a spout on the bottom.

Ours was a big dispenser with 4 spouts on the bottom.... we called it a cow.

[tincup]

Fred called his friend in tears.

"I can’t believe it," he sobbed. "My wife left me for my golfing partner."

"Get a hold of yourself, man," said his friend. "There are plenty of other women out there."

"Who's talking about her?" said Fred. "He was the only guy that I could ever beat!"

[Stan Nehilla]

A bum asked a man on the street for $5.

"Will you buy booze?" the man asks, to which the bum replies, "No."

"Will you gamble it away?"

Once again the bum replies, "No."

"Will you make bets at the golf course?"

Once again the bum replies "No, I don't play golf"

Will you go to a dance?

No I don't dance either.

Then the man asks, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink, gamble, play golf or dance.

[bryce]

I saw this in the hallway at my local course the other day, and thought it would fit into this thread:

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(104.56 KiB) Not downloaded yet

[tincup]

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
Gerald R. Ford