Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip.

[Stan Nehilla]

Not Golf , but for our older folks . . .

. . . THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS . . .

'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'

'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,'

I informed him.



'All the food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'



'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !

'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'


By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.



But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :



Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never woreLevis, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.



In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears &Roebuck.

Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.


My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer.

I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)



We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.

It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a..m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.


I was 21 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.' When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.


I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.



Pizzas were not delivered to our home But milk was.



All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at6AM every morning.

On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.



Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.


If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren

Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.


Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend :

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.

Ignition switches on the dashboard.

Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.

Real ice boxes.

Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.

Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.

Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.



1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lineson the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels... [if you were fortunate] )

12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15.S&H green stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!


I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the bestparts of my life.

Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really O L D friends

[tincup]

David Letterman’s Top 10 Reasons why Golf is better than Sex...
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05... Three times a day is possible.
#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex......
#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

[Stan Nehilla]

"Okay, take a swing without hitting the ball," said the golf pro as he began a lesson with his new student.
"But THAT is exactly what I'm trying to correct," said the student.

[tincup]

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

[Stan Nehilla]

Ben Hogan quotes:

I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games.

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don't you?

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.

[tincup]

Golfer: This is the worst golf course I've ever played on!
Caddie: This isn't the golf course, sir! We left that an hour ago!

[DC#1]

I scored 16 Stan, so I guess were both older than dirt. Yes, those are great memories of a time that I long for. Things were so simple and innocent then.

[tincup]

If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is the one in the bunker.
If both balls are in the bunker, yours is the one in the foot print.

[Stan Nehilla]

How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb?
--FORE!!



* courtesy of my grandson