Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using 'an outside agency' and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.
Henry Longhurst

[Stan Nehilla]

Here's my new book about Golf. I am very proud of the results and in order to market the publication, I am asking friends and family to be the first to own a copy. Here's the Table of Contents from my new book, "Winning Golf Strategies," which I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I've gained through my own years of experience in the game and observations of my golfing partners.

Table of Contents
Chapter 1
- How to properly line up your Fourth putt.

Chapter 2
- How to hit a Nike from the rough when you hit a Titleist from the tee.

Chapter 3
- How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in a bunker.

Chapter 4
- How to get more distance off the shank.

Chapter 5
- When to give the Ranger the finger.

Chapter 6
- Using your shadow on the greens to confuse your opponent.

Chapter 7
- When to implement Handicap Management.

Chapter 8
- Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9 a.m.

Chapter 9
- How to urinate behind a 4" x 4" post ... Undetected.

Chapter 10
- How to rationalize a 6-hour round.

Chapter 11
- How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.

Chapter 12
- Why your spouse doesn't care that you birdied the 5th.

Chapter 13
- How to let a Foursome play through your Twosome.

Chapter 14
- How to relax when you are hitting three off the tee.

Chapter 15
- When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.

Chapter 16
- God and the meaning of The Birdie-To-Bogey Putt.

Chapter 17
- When to re-grip your Ball Retriever.

Chapter 18
- Use a strong grip on the Hand Wedge and Weak Slip on the Foot Wedge.

Chapter 19
- Why male golfers will pay $5.00 a beer from the Cart Girl and give her a $3 tip, but will balk at a $3.50 Beer at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.


Thank,

Chip Indasand
Clinical Psychologist

[Stan Nehilla]

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
~ Pete Dye

[tincup]

Do I have to know rules and all that crap? Then forget it. (when asked whether he'd like to join the Royal and Ancient Golf Club, after winning the '95 British Open at St. Andrews)
~ John Daly

[Stan Nehilla]

The only sure way to get a par is to leave a four-foot birdie putt two inches short of the hole.

[tincup]

Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.
~ Peter Dobereiner

[tincup]

Go ahead and putt, you are not interrupting my conversation.
~ Robert E. Zorn

[tincup]

The fewer balls you have, the more balls you lose; the more balls you have, the more balls you lose

[tincup]

May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
~ Ben Hogan

[Stan Nehilla]

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"




**NOTE: Sorry - in path of Sandy. Lost power for 71.5 hours. Also lost downspout. All's well now.