Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, " This isn't going to take all day, is it?

[tincup]

Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

[Stan Nehilla]

Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes: WHACK..."Damn"! A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn"!...WHACK.

[tincup]

The pro and the JP

The Justice of the Peace in a small town was about to tee off with two other friends one day when the club pro volunteered to join them. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for a free lesson.

But instead of being helpful the pro was openly critical of the JP's game. At every bumbled shot, the pro made a joke about the justice.

But the criticism didn't even stop at the end of the round. The pro continued to embarrass the JP in the clubhouse among his friends. Finally the pro got up to leave and said, "Judge, let's do it again sometime. If you can't find anybody else to make a foursome, I'll be glad to play with you again."

"Well that would be fine," the justice of the peace said. "How about next Saturday? I don't think any of my friends can join us, so why don't you just have your parents join us, and after our round I can marry them."

[tincup]

You know it's too wet to play golf when your cart capsizes.

[tincup]

I want you to know that this is not the game I usually play," snapped an irate golfer to his caddie.

"I should hope not, sir. But tell me," enquired the caddie, "what game do you usually play?"

[Stan Nehilla]

A pretty terrible golfer was playing a round of golf for which he had hired a caddie. The round proved to be somewhat tortuous for the caddie to watch and he was getting a bit exasperated by the poor play of his employer.

At one point the ball lay about 180 yards from the green and the as the golfer sized up his situation, he asked his caddie, "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" And the caddie replied, "Eventually."

[Stan Nehilla]

I don't enjoy playing video golf because there is nothing to throw.
Paul Azinger

[tincup]

Fred called his friend in tears.

"I can’t believe it," he sobbed. "My wife left me for my golfing partner."

"Get a hold of yourself, man," said his friend. "There are plenty of other women out there."

"Who's talking about her?" said Fred. "He was the only guy that I could ever beat!"

[Stan Nehilla]

My swing is so bad that I look like a caveman killing his lunch.
Lee Trevino