Golf Sim Clubhouse Forum

Spike marks always deflect your ball away from the hole.

An elderly lady from a remote interior village went to one of the most fashionable suburbs to visit her niece and husband. Nearby was a very well known golf course.

On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went for a stroll. Upon her return, the young niece asked, "Well, Auntie, did you enjoy yourself?"

"Oh, yes, indeed," said Auntie, beaming. "Before I had walked very far, I came to some beautiful rolling fields. There seemed to be a number of people about, mostly men. Some of them kept shouting at me in a very eccentric manner, but I took no notice. There were four men who followed me for some time, uttering curious excited barking sounds. Naturally, I ignored them, too. Oh, by the way," she added, as she held out her hands, "I found a number of these curious little round white balls, so I picked them all up and brought them home hoping you could explain what they're all about."

Teeing up on the side nearest the out-of-bounds means your ball will finish in the cabbage on the other side.

The distant puff of sand you see means that your ball has not carried the bunker and what's more, it is plugged under the lip.

Definitions:

Equipment

According to the rules of golf, equipment is "anything that can be thrown, broken, kicked, twisted, torn, crushed, shredded or mangled; or propelled, driven or directed, either under its own power or by means of a transfer of momentum, into underbrush, trees or other overgrown terrain; or over the edge of a natural or artificially elevated area; or below the surface of any body of water, whether moving or impounded."

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am over 70).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'

'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'

'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why do you even give a .......?'

The fact that trees are ninety per cent air does not mean your ball avoid the remaining ten per cent of timber.

The first tee shot following a lesson travels 20 yards along the ground.

Your first hole-in-one is always achieved when playing alone.

The first time you enter the club's knockout competition you are drawn against the club champion in the first round.