Golf Sim Clubhouse Forum

Explorer: "There we were surrounded. Fierce savages verywhere you looked. They uttered awful cries and beat their clubs on the ground. . . "

Weary listener: "Golfers, probably."

One Sunday morning, a Priest looks out his window at a beautiful, sunny day. Although he knows that it's his responsibility to say Mass in an hour, he calls in his second, complaining of illness. He then sneaks out the back door with his golf clubs.
Up in heaven, Saint Peter and God are watching. St. Peter says to God "You can't let that go unpunished! That Priest is giving in to temptation and not living up to his vows."
God agrees, but as St. Peter watches, the Priest is having the round of his life. In fact, on the par 3 17th hole, the Priest hits a beautiful shot and the ball rolls into the hole, for his first ever hole-in-one.
St. Peter is very upset and says to God, "Do something! He's having the round of his life!"
God calmly turned to St. Peter, smiled, and said "Yes, but who's he going to tell?"

At a Golf Course, the four men approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway runs along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in that direction. The ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway.
As they all stood in amazement, one man asked him, "How on earth did you do that?"
Without hesitation, he said, "You have to know the bus schedule."

A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a woman being given first aid. One of the golfers asked what had happened and he was informed that the woman had been stung by a bee and was having a reaction.

"Where was she bit?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole." was the reply.

He then replied, "Wow! She must have been standing right over the hive."

This golfer was playing the famous dog leg 4th hole at Kilarney, and was just about to tee off, when a voice said "Hello there".

He looked around and the voice said "Down here", and there at his feet was a little leprechaun, who said "How would you like to drive over those trees, land on the green and putt for 2, and furthermore win every tournament you enter and become champion golfer of all Ireland ?

The golfer said "You're on".

The leprechaun said "There's one condition. You have to remain celibate."

The golfer agreed. Twelve months later the golfer was playing the same hole at Killarney when he again heard the voice.

"Tell me" said the Leprechaun, "Did everything happen as I predicted."

"Yes" said the golfer. "and how to you find celibacy?" said the Leprechaun.

"As Parish Priest at Ballemena, I don't find it much trouble."

Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went.
Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members.
"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, that jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my crotch and yelled 'Gotcha!'
"Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

Rule exceptions for seniors

Ground in Need of Repair

If a player's ball comes to rest in a worn, eroded, or otherwise deteriorated area of a heavily played course, which, in his judgement, is clearly eligible for designation as "ground under repair" but has not been so marked due to an obvious oversight by the course maintenance staff, and where he feels that additional play would be likely to further degrade the already deplorable conditions, he may, without penalty, tap his ball to a playable lie in the nearest intact ground, provided that this action is not taken for the purposes of improving his lie but solely as part of a sincere attempt to protect damaged portions of the course from fresh injury.

A golfer playing in a two-ball foursome drove his tee shot to the edge of the green on a par three hole. His partner, playing the second shot, managed to chip it over the green into a bunker.
Undaunted, the first golfer recovers with a fine shot to within one foot of the hole. The second golfer nervously putts, and sends the ball one foot past the hole, leaving the first golfer to putt the ball in.
"Do you realize that we took five strokes on an easy par three?" says the first golfer.
"Yes, and don't forget who took three of them!" answered his partner!!!

You can hear thunder a hundred miles away when you are three holes down with three to play.

Two Scotsmen, Sandy and Angus, are playing golf one day and come upon a water hole. Sandy hits and sends one into the middle of the pond. He reaches into his bag and finds that he has no balls remaining. He asks Angus for a ball and promptly hits that one into the pond as well.
This goes on 3 or 4 more times and when he asks Angus for a 6th ball, Angus says, " Sandy these balls cost me a lot of money, " to which Sandy replies, "Angus lad, if you can't afford to play the game, you should not be out here ".